Friday, April 1, 2011
Review 2: Canadian Hunter Whiskey
We've all heard the old saying: diamonds are a girl's best friend. That being said, whiskey is a man's best friend. Whiskey embodies everything about being a man; just tasting it reminds me of camping, rock shows, and football games. Real men drink whiskey. Any male college student that prefers a bottle of Smirnoff over Jack or Jim is a jackass, and he's lying. The real reason he bought that blueberry woman water is because he's just trying to get girls slizzard so he can slip em the ol' one eyed worm. Regardless, at the end of the night we all know who the real hero is... it's that badass who refused to spike his hair, that badass who carried the shit-tarded blueberry boy home, that badass who drank whiskey. Can I get a motherfuckin' 'Hallelujah, preach, brotha!!!!'? Well, badasses, allow me to introduce to you the liquor store's best kept secret, Canadian Hunter Whiskey. There IS a heaven, and it comes in a 750 ml bottle for $10.75.
Bottle: How often do you find a bottle of liquor that's worth putting on the trophy shelf between to your signed Sara Jean Underwood bra and your bong? Not often. Usually you gotta shell out major skrilla for that kind of alcohol. Well, I wasted your time. Forgive me. Canadian Hunter isn't that type of booze. BUT.....but it's still pretty cool. A picture of Chuck Norris with his two wolfs, hunting Canadians? Fuck ya. Maybe I'm taking the name out of context, maybe he's a hunter from Canada? We'll never know.
Taste: I prepared for shit. I knew I was going to be drinking shit. Someone must have switched my bottle of shit out for pure fucking Jesus piss because this whiskey is AMAZING. Who would have known? Drinking Canadian Hunter is like motor-boating Pam Anderson: you never want it to end! First, there is no bite. None at all. Also, there is such a subtle complexity to this drink, if you were blindfolded you would think it's Crown Royal. I AM NOT SHITTING YOU. Crown m-f'n Royal. It is that good, folks. This is a hidden gem, and the best part? The maple syrup aftertaste. I did some research and found out that Seagrams makes this brand, which makes sense. Only an established liquor company could produce something on this level.
Drunk: Rock Star status. The taste of CH may be mellow, but the drunk is wild! It's like taking shots of Charlie Sheen blood. I mixed a couple of fingers with coke and ice, and after two or three drinks I was drunk dialing my grandma and sexting Cha-Cha. No wonder the man on the label is so badass; once I got a slippery the ONLY thing I wanted to do was steal my friend's 2 sheep dogs and fuckin' go hunting! Hunting for Canadians... I woke up the next morning after crashing pretty hard, and guess what? No hangover. None, nada, zilch, zip. I usually get wicked hangovers, blame Canada? Yes, if your blaming them for making a kick ass drink!
Danger's Final Word: Is this love? 5/5
Danger's Final Edit: Peace the fiiiiZzZuuuuccckkk OUT zzzzzzz -.-